Lessons in Leadership from My Six-Year-Old

The gap between what we hear and what we see erodes trust and removes psychological safety.

Welcome back to The Deal Space where business isn’t just a game - it’s a full contact sport.

We have one big purpose here - to win more or learn trying.

Today’s Topic: Leadership

Reading time: ~3 minutes

---

Today At a Glance

• Why Good Leaders and Teammates:

  • Do what they say they’re going to do.

  • Consistently turn up for others.

  • Know that it’s more than just words that create high performing teams.

---

“I believe in you, Jakey” Ollie said, standing awkwardly.

Jake was sitting on the sidelines, crying. He didn’t want to play soccer today.

Try as we might, neither his parents nor I (as his coach and chief motivation speech giver) could convince him to get up and step onto the field.

Ollie could hear us trying to convince Jake. And he’d run over to us.

“Say it again, mate”, I coaxed Ollie.

“I believe in you, Jakey. Come with me, I’ll look after you”. Ollie said again and held out his hand.

Jake stood up, collected a few high-fives, grabbed Ollie’s hand, and ran onto the field.

Legend.

What Happened?

It got me thinking - what was it that young Jake got from Ollie in that moment that helped him to move forward?

Despite Mum, Dad and Coach all encouraging him, telling him he’s a good kid, reminding him he’d done it all before, pushing a little more as each minute passed - it didn’t get it done. Then along comes Ollie with an outstretched hand and a few words, and he was off.

I think it’s that he felt safe.

A Harvard Business School Professor and Author named Amy Edmondson came up with the concept of psychological safety¹ - and it’s a foundational element of high performance in teams.

What Psychological Safety Is Not

Unfulfilled promises. Lip service. Slogans without action. Asking for feedback and ignoring it. Token and superficial celebrations. And this - accepting a standard by walking past it.

As the saying goes - talk is cheap.

The gap between what we hear and what we see erodes trust and removes psychological safety.

When this plays out in teams it results in the opposite of psychological safety - people won’t rely on this kind of leadership.

High Performing Teams

At its core, psychological safety is the foundation for a thriving workplace². Where individuals feel secure enough to take risks, make mistakes, and contribute their best work.

It’s an environment and a culture, and you can’t have it any other way than to earn it.

Teams thrive when they trust one another. Collaborating openly, sharing their thoughts and feedback, and having a go.

When teams aren’t carrying around a concern about being blamed for making a mistake they’re more likely to contribute at a higher level.

Back to Ollie and Jakey

So Jakey’s heard his Mum and Dad and Coach say every week “you’ll be right, mate”, and then something inevitably might happen that rocks him (the poor kid is somehow the one safe bet to get hit in the head by a rogue soccer ball). So, our words are not very helpful to him.

But you know who has never let him down?

Ollie. The righter of all wrongs. The justice in the school yard. A damn good mate.

Wrap It Up

• Psychological safety is the foundation for a thriving workplace.

• This is because teams thrive when they trust one another, and falter and withdraw when they don’t.

• And, in a world full of ego’s - be an Ollie, and offer an outstretched hand.

P.s. Ollie got man of the match for his leadership. We also won that day.

1. Amy C. Edmondson - Faculty & Research - Harvard Business School

The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth | Wiley

2. What Is Psychological Safety? Amy Gallo. Leadership and Managing People. https://hbr.org/2023/02/what-is-psychological-safety